本文來(lái)自雅思作文網(wǎng)liuxue86.com《多文化社會(huì)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)》。
Multi-cultural societies are mixtures of ethnic groups. To what extent do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?
Multi-cultural（這是形容詞，怎么作主語(yǔ)了？?。?has been brought to spotlight recently, as a prevailing phenomenon nowadays（多余） that the countries on the earth are becoming more and more exchanged（這個(gè)句子很晦澀，as在這里是作連詞嗎？如果是的話，它應(yīng)該引導(dǎo)一個(gè)句子，那么后面只有that引導(dǎo)的同位語(yǔ)從句，卻沒(méi)有主句的謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞了！?。。?People at every corner to share and enjoy the same spiritual life together(同樣地，這個(gè)句子沒(méi)有謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞), which not only promote a climate of peace and prosperity but also enrich the city life and broaden the horizons of human beings. Such a trend has both merits and demerits although, as for me, the former prevails over the latter obviously. （80words）
結(jié)構(gòu)分析：前面寫(xiě)了n句話，都是在引題，但是內(nèi)容顯得有點(diǎn)啰嗦。最后一句是作者的觀點(diǎn)，即主題句，寫(xiě)得還行。
語(yǔ)言方面：句型是很多，錯(cuò)誤就更多了?。?！大家要注意，拿高分必須要有一定量的句型，但是如果連基本的句子都寫(xiě)不對(duì)就去大膽寫(xiě)長(zhǎng)句的話，結(jié)果可能更慘?。?！此段，雖然明顯看得出作者掌握了一定的句型，可是似乎掌握的還不是特別好，基本上都有錯(cuò)，這就使得，現(xiàn)在這篇文章最高的起評(píng)分只有5分?。?！得不償失?。。?！
I am in favor of the Multi-cultural(干嗎大寫(xiě)，且形容詞這里也不能作賓語(yǔ)呀?。?！); first, because it promotes a climate of peace and prosperity, misunderstanding would not be occurred（occur沒(méi)有被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)?。。。?between nations with the reason of（直接說(shuō)for不就行了） racial differences and cultural differences（改成racial and cultural differences是不是更好呢）. Take it（這個(gè)it指誰(shuí)??？！） for example, in the past of China, because of the semi-colonial and semi-feudal economy（中式英語(yǔ)，改成due to the semi-colonial and semi-feudal economy of China in the past是不是更好呢）, the government close the country to international intercourse（這句話也太。。。完全不對(duì)） ,people’s life was very monotonous,（這里卻連詞?。?they could not understanding the occidental civilization .but now, in nowadays ,as the government implements its reform and opening to the outside world, people could（整個(gè)句子缺謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞，明顯是按照中文來(lái)寫(xiě)的，through是介詞?。?through all kinds of rode to acknowledge the other country’s cultural, they will adapt and absorb the western literature,custom,and the viewpoint with the things ,it will advance national unity.(幾個(gè)句子之間都沒(méi)有連詞連接的！?。?（116words）
語(yǔ)言方面：看了這段發(fā)現(xiàn)，作者在內(nèi)容的安排上太有問(wèn)題！沒(méi)有詳略得當(dāng)，前兩段寫(xiě)得很多，到后面越寫(xiě)越少！其次，寫(xiě)得那么多，錯(cuò)得更多！給人的感覺(jué)是寫(xiě)到后面很混亂！明顯感覺(jué)到中文的痕跡和口語(yǔ)式作文的痕跡！
雅思作文要想更進(jìn)一步,請(qǐng)?zhí)焯煸L問(wèn)我們.感謝閱讀《多文化社會(huì)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)》一文.本文來(lái)自雅思作文網(wǎng)liuxue86.com《多文化社會(huì)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)》。
I am approve（絕對(duì)低級(jí)的錯(cuò)誤?。。。?of the Multi-cultural ,second（這個(gè)詞怎么放在這里） ,because it will be favorable to the global integrated. as a saying goes “survival of the fittest”, a multi-cultural social must have the multi-language, multi-lifestyle ,even multi-managing method ,competing would inevitable ,and the most adapt the social developed will be leave behind. The human beings would elaborate the abilities as far as they could, the government will find a best way to administer the society, and to build it more harmoniously.
Opponents of the argue ,the unique heritage, languages and artistic expression will become scattered and lost .Some linguists are fully aware of the loss of languages ,there is not much they can do.
All in all, the fact that multi-cultural society will becoming a global trend in the future ,unquestioned, it must be advanced, but at the same time, while striving to develop the diverse cultures, we also should to protecting the local culture ,to uphold ethnic and cultural identity.
總評(píng)：后面幾段太多低級(jí)錯(cuò)誤了，感覺(jué)作者越寫(xiě)越?jīng)]有感覺(jué)了，這個(gè)說(shuō)明平時(shí)寫(xiě)作練得不夠，寫(xiě)到后面就亂寫(xiě)！我把明顯錯(cuò)誤的地方標(biāo)了出來(lái)，其他其實(shí)還有很多錯(cuò)誤，就不標(biāo)了！
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雅思作文要想更進(jìn)一步,請(qǐng)?zhí)焯煸L問(wèn)我們.感謝閱讀《多文化社會(huì)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)》一文.
Multi-cultural societies are mixtures of ethnic groups. To what extent do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?
Multi-cultural（這是形容詞，怎么作主語(yǔ)了？?。?has been brought to spotlight recently, as a prevailing phenomenon nowadays（多余） that the countries on the earth are becoming more and more exchanged（這個(gè)句子很晦澀，as在這里是作連詞嗎？如果是的話，它應(yīng)該引導(dǎo)一個(gè)句子，那么后面只有that引導(dǎo)的同位語(yǔ)從句，卻沒(méi)有主句的謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞了！?。。?People at every corner to share and enjoy the same spiritual life together(同樣地，這個(gè)句子沒(méi)有謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞), which not only promote a climate of peace and prosperity but also enrich the city life and broaden the horizons of human beings. Such a trend has both merits and demerits although, as for me, the former prevails over the latter obviously. （80words）
結(jié)構(gòu)分析：前面寫(xiě)了n句話，都是在引題，但是內(nèi)容顯得有點(diǎn)啰嗦。最后一句是作者的觀點(diǎn)，即主題句，寫(xiě)得還行。
語(yǔ)言方面：句型是很多，錯(cuò)誤就更多了?。?！大家要注意，拿高分必須要有一定量的句型，但是如果連基本的句子都寫(xiě)不對(duì)就去大膽寫(xiě)長(zhǎng)句的話，結(jié)果可能更慘?。?！此段，雖然明顯看得出作者掌握了一定的句型，可是似乎掌握的還不是特別好，基本上都有錯(cuò)，這就使得，現(xiàn)在這篇文章最高的起評(píng)分只有5分?。?！得不償失?。。?！
I am in favor of the Multi-cultural(干嗎大寫(xiě)，且形容詞這里也不能作賓語(yǔ)呀?。?！); first, because it promotes a climate of peace and prosperity, misunderstanding would not be occurred（occur沒(méi)有被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)?。。。?between nations with the reason of（直接說(shuō)for不就行了） racial differences and cultural differences（改成racial and cultural differences是不是更好呢）. Take it（這個(gè)it指誰(shuí)??？！） for example, in the past of China, because of the semi-colonial and semi-feudal economy（中式英語(yǔ)，改成due to the semi-colonial and semi-feudal economy of China in the past是不是更好呢）, the government close the country to international intercourse（這句話也太。。。完全不對(duì)） ,people’s life was very monotonous,（這里卻連詞?。?they could not understanding the occidental civilization .but now, in nowadays ,as the government implements its reform and opening to the outside world, people could（整個(gè)句子缺謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞，明顯是按照中文來(lái)寫(xiě)的，through是介詞?。?through all kinds of rode to acknowledge the other country’s cultural, they will adapt and absorb the western literature,custom,and the viewpoint with the things ,it will advance national unity.(幾個(gè)句子之間都沒(méi)有連詞連接的！?。?（116words）
語(yǔ)言方面：看了這段發(fā)現(xiàn)，作者在內(nèi)容的安排上太有問(wèn)題！沒(méi)有詳略得當(dāng)，前兩段寫(xiě)得很多，到后面越寫(xiě)越少！其次，寫(xiě)得那么多，錯(cuò)得更多！給人的感覺(jué)是寫(xiě)到后面很混亂！明顯感覺(jué)到中文的痕跡和口語(yǔ)式作文的痕跡！
雅思作文要想更進(jìn)一步,請(qǐng)?zhí)焯煸L問(wèn)我們.感謝閱讀《多文化社會(huì)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)》一文.本文來(lái)自雅思作文網(wǎng)liuxue86.com《多文化社會(huì)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)》。
I am approve（絕對(duì)低級(jí)的錯(cuò)誤?。。。?of the Multi-cultural ,second（這個(gè)詞怎么放在這里） ,because it will be favorable to the global integrated. as a saying goes “survival of the fittest”, a multi-cultural social must have the multi-language, multi-lifestyle ,even multi-managing method ,competing would inevitable ,and the most adapt the social developed will be leave behind. The human beings would elaborate the abilities as far as they could, the government will find a best way to administer the society, and to build it more harmoniously.
Opponents of the argue ,the unique heritage, languages and artistic expression will become scattered and lost .Some linguists are fully aware of the loss of languages ,there is not much they can do.
All in all, the fact that multi-cultural society will becoming a global trend in the future ,unquestioned, it must be advanced, but at the same time, while striving to develop the diverse cultures, we also should to protecting the local culture ,to uphold ethnic and cultural identity.
總評(píng)：后面幾段太多低級(jí)錯(cuò)誤了，感覺(jué)作者越寫(xiě)越?jīng)]有感覺(jué)了，這個(gè)說(shuō)明平時(shí)寫(xiě)作練得不夠，寫(xiě)到后面就亂寫(xiě)！我把明顯錯(cuò)誤的地方標(biāo)了出來(lái)，其他其實(shí)還有很多錯(cuò)誤，就不標(biāo)了！
此文4分
點(diǎn)此查看原文>>>
雅思作文要想更進(jìn)一步,請(qǐng)?zhí)焯煸L問(wèn)我們.感謝閱讀《多文化社會(huì)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)》一文.