業(yè)余工作
When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
"How was your first day?" I asked.
"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"
鑰匙還是接吻
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.
模仿
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach.
"well,sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
Shortly afterwards Dad came in from the office,complaining of a headache. "That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."
禮物該給誰(shuí)？
A father of five children came home with a toy,summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present,"Who is the most obedient,never talks back to Mother and does everything he or she is told?" he inquired.
There was silence,and then a chorus of voices:"You play with it, Daddy!"
百萬(wàn)富翁
CEO:"My wife made a millionaire out of me."
Assistant:"What were you before?"
CEO:" A multimillionaire."
概不外借
Mark Twain once went to borrow a certain book from a neighbour in Tarry town. "May I borrow a book from you?" he asked politely."Yes,you're more than welcome to it," the neighbour told him. "But I must ask you to read it here. You know I make a rule never to let any book go out of my library." Some days later the neighbour wished to borrow Twain's machine for cutting grass in the garden. "Why,certainly," Twain told him,"You're more than welcome to it. But I must ask you to use it here. You know that I make it a rule never to let it go out of my garden."
我還不認(rèn)識(shí)她
A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" said the wife. "Honey," replied her husband, " I don't even know that woman!"
四減四等于幾？
One day, the teacher inquired Peter:" How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tired. The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?" "The hole," replied Peter.
最長(zhǎng)的和最短的是什么？
A teacher asked asked one of his students:" What is the longest and what is the shortest?" The student answered immediately:" The last several minutes of a class is the longest, while the last several minutes of an exam is the shortest."
為什么這樣晚來(lái)學(xué)校？
The teacher asked Tom: "Why did you come to school so late this morning?" "Someone lost one yuan." Answered Tom. "Oh, now I know, you helped him find the money," the teacher said. "No, I stood on the money until the person went away," was Tom's reply.