2003年9月考試四級(jí)作文題：The Day My Classmate Fell Ill (or Got Injured)
提綱：
1.簡(jiǎn)單敘述一下這位同學(xué)生病（或受傷）的情況
2.同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的
3.人與人之間的這種相互關(guān)愛給我的感受是……
例1． （2分段）
One day, we are all in classroom. Wang fang said, "Oh!" We all see her and found that she was crying! Teacher turned to ask her what was wrong. She said, "I do got a fever, my head is very hot!" Feng Gang sent she to hospital, we all followed they. In the hospital, doctor Wang give a inject to her, she gradually calm and not hot as before. We all thanked the doctor.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：未能按照題目要求寫，沒有著重寫"同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的" "人與人之間的這種相互關(guān)愛給我的感受是……"。條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有錯(cuò)誤，有的甚至影響理解。
原文修改后：
One day, when we were all in classroom., Wang fang Suddenly cried,, "Oh!" We all looked at her and found that she was groaning. Teacher turned to ask her what was wrong. She said, "I have got a fever, my head is very hot!"
Immediately, our teacher sent her to hospital, and we all followed them. In the hospital, we asked doctor Wang to give an injection to her, and she gradually became calm and not as hot as before. We all thanked the doctor.
The day has passed, but it is clearly in my mind. I think if we can do things like that in the incident, the society will be better, and the relationship between people will be better as well!
例2．（5分段）
Last week, li ning and I studied in classroom. Suddenly, lining said to me that he had a headache .I asked he to see doctor. he said it was not bad. After 5 miniuts, lining sai to me his headache very serious. So I helped him go to hosptial.
Students and teacher heard lining went to hosptial, all of them went to the hosptial. Some teacher asked lining dont worry, it will be good .Some students asked lining take care of himself. lining said that he was very moved.
Thought this things, I think a lot .The world is beautiful, because the love filled in it .people can help each other when who are in trouble.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文基本切題。語句銜接不自然，簡(jiǎn)單句使用得太多，有些表達(dá)不太準(zhǔn)確，有明顯的中文痕跡。要加強(qiáng)銜接詞的運(yùn)用，單復(fù)句的轉(zhuǎn)換，句式的多樣化，還有語言基本功的訓(xùn)練。
原文修改后：
Last week, Li ning and I studied in classroom. Suddenly, lining told me that he had a headache. I asked him to see the doctor. he said it was not so serious. After 5 minutes, Lining told me that his headache became worse. So I helped him go to hospital.
When Students and teachers heard that Lining had gone to hospital, all of them went to the hospital. Some teachers asked Lining not to worry and to take care of himself. Lining said that he was very moved.
Throught this, I think a lot.The world is beautiful because it was filled in love--people help each other in trouble.
例3．（8分段）
One day there is a student who was isolated for infectious disease. We and our teachers are concerting about his situation. But he must be isolated from us for relivesing measure.
In this important period, we telephoned to him, we also told him that he had a good rest time. we suggested that he call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burden study and read some books which he enjoys but have no time to read .At last we told him that he must get over this fell .
I think we should love each other .when somebody needs help we should lend our one hand to him.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文基本切題，也有必要的細(xì)節(jié)描述。但有的地方表達(dá)不清楚。有比較多的語言錯(cuò)誤。要注意連接詞的使用和句式多樣化，長(zhǎng)短句可以間隔使用，使用長(zhǎng)句時(shí)注意語法、力求表達(dá)清楚?！?BR> 具體問題剖析：(1)全文時(shí)態(tài)不統(tǒng)一（舉例略）。
（2）第二段語句銜接不自然，句式重復(fù)，且長(zhǎng)句組織起來顯得有點(diǎn)凌亂，語法錯(cuò)誤相當(dāng)多。在原文基礎(chǔ)上修改如下："In this important period, we telephoned him, and told him to have a good rest.Besides, we advised him to call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burdensome study ,on the other hand, to read some books which he enjoyed but had no time to read. At last we told him that he must overcome this ill."
例4．（11分段）
In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold. First day when he came to school, we found that his eyes were red and his sound was rough. The second day, his cold was too bad that he couldn't go to school.
At that time, there was a serious ill called SARS in our country. It's just like badly cold and can infected others easily. But our classmates didn't go away from him. They seemed more close to him. Our classmates helped him to take back breakfast. Our teacher came to see him with his notes book. He helped him to study in order that he didn't drop behind my classmates' For he was my best friend, I just sat on his bed and do my best to comfort him.
Althought there was SARS around us, but I felt very warm from this thing. It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult. We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family. And not very long, my classmate was getting healthy and could come to school again. How happy we were!
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文切題，表達(dá)思想清楚，文字比較連貫, 但有一些語法錯(cuò)誤。
具體問題剖析：全文有一些語法、語言錯(cuò)誤，如"In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold."應(yīng)改為"In 1 April 2003,one of my classmates got serious cold."（時(shí)態(tài)）；"First day when he came to school,"應(yīng)改為"The first day when he came to school,"（介詞遺漏）；"his sound was rough."應(yīng)改為"his voice was rough."（用詞）；"Althought there was SARS around us, I felt very warm from this thing."應(yīng)把but去掉（連詞）； "It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult."應(yīng)改為"It told me that the love from true heart could help come across any difficulties."（時(shí)態(tài)、詞性錯(cuò)誤）；"We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family."應(yīng)改為"We are so lucky that we live in a big warm family."（詞性）。
例5．（14分段）
During the SARS period in this spring, the year of 2003, one of my classmates, Li ming, was struck down by the virus and was immediately sent to hospital.
The news spread quickly on campus. At first, we were terrified and wondered if we were infected too. However, through our government's publicity on mass media, we gradually conquered the fear and set out to try out best to help her. Some teachers provided darly necessities while some students recorded the English class contents for him so that Li ming could not be left behind. With our care and concern, Li ming recovered quickly.
Such an incident teaches us a good moral. Our society is full of love, warm and peaceful, in which people-from man to woman, from individual to individual-lend others a hand. Just like a famous song goes, "the world will turn itto heaven only if everyone contributes a little." and I do believe that it's my great honor to live in this love-filled paradise!
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文切題，論證豐富生動(dòng)，表達(dá)思想清楚，文字通順，連貫性較好。基本上無大的語言錯(cuò)誤，僅有個(gè)別小錯(cuò)誤。
2003年9月六級(jí)考試作文題：
圖表作文，關(guān)于一個(gè)美國(guó)大學(xué)圖書館的圖書流動(dòng)量（pop fiction, general nonfiction, science, art等），給出他們的流動(dòng)比例對(duì)比，說明原因，并說明你自己喜歡閱讀什么樣的書。
例1． （2分段）
此分段標(biāo)準(zhǔn)為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤。
（為了不影響市容，給大家造成負(fù)面影響，故此處略去100字……）
例2．（5分段）
From the novel, we can see that the students like read(reading) novel, at the same time, only (a) small part of students like read(reading) science and art.
The reason to(for) this is novel is intereting(interesting), students like reading it. Most of the students read too much(many) major books when they have classes, so they want to read some(something) interesting (when) they have time. Novel can let them relax(relaxed). So they choose novel.
I like read(reading) novel, by reading it I know a lot of things, I also relax my brains. So I choose the novel.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)基本切題。(2)表達(dá)思想不清楚，連貫性差。 (3)有較多的嚴(yán)重語言錯(cuò)誤。 （4）字?jǐn)?shù)不夠，要酌情扣分。
例3．（8分段）
We can know from the picture that most of students like reading popular novel instead of reading science, poetry. From this we can know different people have different addiction to(preferences for) books.
Different people have different addiction to(preferences for) books. They read different books just to meet their different needs. Because different people have different meets to read the different kinds of books. From this we can also see that different people have different intentions and notions. So they choose the different things to meet their needs in every facet in life.
I like reading poetry because I think poetry can make me calm, pleased, comfort(comforted), (and) I can see many beautiful thing(things) in the poetry.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)基本切題。 (2)第二段表達(dá)有點(diǎn)亂。 （3）語言錯(cuò)誤相當(dāng)多，其中有一些是嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤?！?BR> 例4．（11分段）
Book is the source of life. When we read a book, we should not only linger on the surface of a book, but also we should(刪掉) master its intrinsic. As is charted in the blank, we can see clearly that a majority of the university students in America are addictet(addicted) to the popular fiction, and a minority of student like reading the science, poetry.
Why do they like reading popular novels? In my opinion, popular novel books are usually interesting, earthly, close to our lives. In contrast, science, poetry books are usually serious, dull and difficult. Therefore, most of the students prefer the popular novels.
I like reading the since book（science books）. For one thing, it can make me enhance my speciality knoweledy(specialized knowledge); In addition, it can help me know the frontier about my speciality and master the newest things in since(science); thirdly, it can give a good chance to know a lot and can help me to study the useful subject when I graduate from the university.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）本文基本切題，表達(dá)思想清楚。 （2）文字連貫，語言通順。 （3）有一些語言錯(cuò)誤。
例5．（14分段）
It can be discerned that the American students prefer to read the popular novel rather than other kind of books, such as the nonpopular (unpopular) novel, the books of technology, poem and so on. The percentage of the popular novel current(currently) is about 68.2%. Other kind of novels' current(currently) is, reletively (relatively), about 16.8%, 8.3%, and 5.2%.
It is not hard to think out why the popular novels can attract so many students. The popular novel is interesting, and not so abstract as books that full of the mathmatic formulate(mathematic formulae). However, as university students, study is the first task for us to do. So we should pay more attention to the books about our major. Fictions may color our life, but it can not be the key part of our studying life.
Personally, I would like to spend my free time in reading books about my major, such as technology digests, computer newspaper... Because I want do to(刪掉) a good job in my subjects. Fortunately, my dreams come true, meanwhile, I 've gained other things--I found（have founded） a solid basic knowledge about my major(加破折號(hào))make me feel easy to contrive the electronic circuit which have to be done during our bachelor years. Thanks to those books!
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）切題。 （2）論證比較有力，表達(dá)思想清楚。 （3）文字通順，連貫性較好，但有個(gè)別語言錯(cuò)誤。
注： 文中劃線部分為原文的一些明顯語言錯(cuò)誤，括號(hào)里的為修改建議，為保持原文面貌，對(duì)于結(jié)構(gòu)沒有做過多改動(dòng)。
2003年6月考試四級(jí)作文題：An Eye-Witness Account of a Traffic Accident
假設(shè)你在某日某時(shí)某地目擊一起車禍，就此寫一份見證書。
見證書須包括以下幾點(diǎn)：
1、車禍發(fā)生的時(shí)間及地點(diǎn)；
2、你所見到的車禍情況；
3、你對(duì)車禍原因的分析。
例1． （2分段）
At 9:00, Jan. 20, 2003, I eye-witness a traffic accident in Dongfang Street.
I see that a（an） old people is hitted (hit)by a car.
In my opinion, the rapid driver is the main reason, but the old people also has his error.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）字?jǐn)?shù)明顯不夠，盡管都點(diǎn)題了，但只有三句話。（2）有語法錯(cuò)誤。
例2．（5分段）
In my opinion, the driver of Benz auto should be blamed on(for) the traffic accident. It was his drunk driving that resulted in this accident.
It is not(no) doubt that the traffic accident is a high(hot) topic in the modern(modern) society, different people have different attitude (attitudes) to this.
When it come(comes) to the accident, people think it responsible for the driver. But last Sunday I see(saw) a(an) accident. A woman crossed a street when a car turn(turned at) the crossing .it is too late to stop the car ,The women was bad(badly) hurt. The people who was walking along the street took the woman to hospital, (and) the driver came with them.
As far as （I am） concerned, the both sides have responsibility for this, begin（at the beginning）, the woman shouldnot cross the street. Forthemore, the driver should pay more attention. Last. we should take proper measure .Only (when) we take the measure and we （become） more careful can we have a colorful （life） tomorrow.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)本文基本切題。（2）但有的地方表達(dá)思想不清楚，層次不夠清楚。如第二段把描述車禍情況和發(fā)生原因混為一談，而最后一段的總結(jié)又很牽強(qiáng)。（3）全文有比較多的語言錯(cuò)誤，而且有些是嚴(yán)重的錯(cuò)誤。
例3．（8分段）
At 9:00am October 25st(25th) 2003, I saw a traffic accident on Daxue Road. At that time, I was on my way to school.
When I turned right on the corner, a motorbike knocked into a small car. The motorbike was red, and there are(were) two persons on the motorbike. The car was yellow. The motorbike fell down, and the two persons on the motorbike were slight injured. The (car) driver came out of the car at once, and asked about the two persons. As soon as I saw that, I made a telephone call to 110.The traffic police arrived in a short time.
According to what I saw, I thought there may be one reason leading to the accident. That was the motorbike kept too short （a） distant from the car. When the car slowed down, the motorbike couldn't slow down in time. So the accident took place.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）基本切題。（2）文字連貫性不強(qiáng)，尤其是第二段，缺少一些必要的銜接詞。（3）簡(jiǎn)單句太多，可以考慮把一些合并成復(fù)合句。（4）有些地方人稱指代不明（如司機(jī)），容易引起誤解（5）有一些基本的時(shí)態(tài)、語法錯(cuò)誤。
例4．（11分段）
Last Friday afternoon, when I was on my way home, a traffic accident took place at the crossing of Shanghai Road.
A pupil was knocked down by a black car when he was walking across the street. His legs were badly hurt. Sever(Several) minutes later an ambulance came, and the driver of the black car sent the pupil to the hospital immediately.
In my eyes, this accident was due to that the pupil broke the traffic rules. That is to say, the pupil walked across the street when the traffic lights were red. As soon as the driver saw the pupil, he stopped the car, however, it was too late. In my opinion, it was necessary to advocate people to confirm to the traffic rules. If the pupil hadn't broken the traffic rules, the accident might not have happened.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)本文比較切題，表達(dá)思想清楚。（2）語句比較通順，但有少量語言錯(cuò)誤。
例5．（14分段）
My name is Liming. I am studying at college. A week ago I saw a traffic accident , which is still vivid in my mind.
It was at about 9:00 on Saturday morning, June 15th, when I went out of the university to visit a friend of mine at another university. I was walking leisurely on the sidewalk when I heard a loud crash of two vehicles just at the T-junction about 10 meters away. Two taxis crashed together. It was a traffic accident.
I went up and found that the two taxis were badly damaged. Both hoofs were out of shape. One door of a car was knocked off and lying on the road. One driver was blooding and another was shut in the taxi. Some people were trying to help the driver get out of the damaged car. One man was calling to the traffic policeman station. A lot of cars were jammed on the road.
From the stopping track on the road, it is clear that the two taxis were driving too fast. But it is just one of the reasons. In my opinion, the taxi drivers are eager to take more passengers and make a little more money. On the other hand, both drivers don't show concern for one another. Both of them wanted to run in front of another. Therefore, the accident is inevitable. So far, we should let the drivers keep it in their mind that a little slower, a little safer. Taking care of other's lives means taking care of your own life.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）切題。（2）表達(dá)清楚，描述詳細(xì)生動(dòng)。（3）文字通順，連貫性較好。（4）基本上無大的語言錯(cuò)誤，僅有個(gè)別小錯(cuò)誤。
注： 文中劃線部分為原文的一些明顯語言錯(cuò)誤，括號(hào)里的為修改建議，為保持原文面貌，對(duì)于結(jié)構(gòu)沒有做過多改動(dòng)。
2003年6月考試六級(jí)作文題：Changes of Ownership of Houses in China
圖表作文，圖表內(nèi)容是1990，1995，2000的公房和私房變化柱狀表，趨勢(shì)是公房越來越少，私房越來越多。
提綱：1.簡(jiǎn)單描述一下圖表內(nèi)容
2.變化原因
3.這個(gè)變化對(duì)個(gè)人和社會(huì)的影響
例1． （2分段）
此分段標(biāo)準(zhǔn)為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤。
為了不影響市容，給大家造成負(fù)面影響，故此處略去100字……
例2．（5分段）
It is descerned that（刪掉）the number of pirate（private） houses had been on a（an） increase from 1990 to 2000.In 1990, it was about 20 percent; In 1995 it was 40 percent; In 2000, it was 80 percent.
There were some reasons for this fact. One of them was the improvement of people's living conditions（condition）, all people wanted to own pirate houses.
On the other hand, people's income was on a（an） increase, they could afford to buy pirate houses!
Obviously, there were some good things resulted from this fact. Such as it could improve Chinese economy. But there were also some bad things, such as it took much time to go to work!
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）本文基本切題。（2）字?jǐn)?shù)不夠，要酌情扣分。（2）第一段描述圖表不應(yīng)該單列舉出數(shù)字，而是應(yīng)該重點(diǎn)描寫變化趨勢(shì) ；第二段說明理由不夠充分；第三段說明影響有點(diǎn)牽強(qiáng)。（4）全文語言錯(cuò)誤較多。
例3．（8分段）
From the graph it is clear that the percentage of the state owned house in china in a city has decreased greatly from 75% in 1990 to 20% in 2000, while the private house has increased sharply. what has caused these changes?
There are, I think, at least two main reasons for these changes. to begin with, with the development of the technology and science, people"s living standard has improved greatly and they can afford to buy high-graded things such as TV, computer and even house. Secondly it is due to the mind people hold and the ecomonic policy. As is known to all, the price of house is often very high, and people must (used to) save their money (for) many years, （however,）as their minds changed, they went to the bank to borrow money and the ecomonic policy also encouraged them to do so. There may be some other reasons, but the above mentiond are commonly acceptable.
To conclude, the ownership of houses reflect the development of our country and people are enjoying a better life, I am firmly sure that the productivity of the society will keep improving and people will enjoy a more affluent life in the near future.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）本文基本切題，語句基本通順（2）第一段描述圖表太簡(jiǎn)單，第二段有些地方表達(dá)思想不夠清楚，第三段太簡(jiǎn)單。（3）不少語言錯(cuò)誤。
例4．（11分段）
As is shown by the bar chart, we can see that great changes have been taken place in a big city in China during the year from 1990 to 2000. The number of stated-owned houses is on the decline, while the private houses are（is） on the rise.
To get the sourse(source) of this changes, it is nature for us to come up with the following reasons. In the first place, owning to the advance in people's living standard ,people are better off today, and they have more money to buy a house .In the second place , with the development of society and economy, some achievements have been maken(made) in housing construction. Last but not least, thanks to the increasing consciousness of confortable(comfortable) life, people are in favor of buying a house. All this results in the boom of private housing.
Benefits of this(these) changes are obvious. It is advantage to both people and society. For one thing, with house, people can enjoy their confortable(comfortable) life. For another, this(these) changes can stimulate our nation's economic development.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)切題。（2）表達(dá)思想清楚，語句通順。（3）但有少量語言錯(cuò)誤。
例5．（14分段）
It can be obviously seen from the chart above that our modern society has experienced a great change, and in the last decade, from 1990 to 2000, more and more people prefer private houses to state-owned ones.
There are a lot of reasons for it. First of all, state-owned houses lack the individualized characteristics, which are highly advocated in the modern society today. In addition, The declining prices of the private houses, with the skyrocketing income of people in recent years, contribute to the increase of purchases of private houses because, after all, economy is the most basic factor each family or individual can decide on. At last, the purchases of private houses can entitle consumers to a more flexible selection in terms of location, house type and even the relevant service than that of its state-owned counterpart.
This phenomenon, in my opinion, has not only upgraded the quality and standard of life of people , but also improved the value of consumption of our modern society. And it is more significant that the phenomenon has formed a social atmosphere in our life in which everyone strives harder and harder for the sake of his life and future.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）切題。（2）表達(dá)思想清楚，論證比較有力。（3）文字通順，連貫性好，但有少量語言錯(cuò)誤。
提綱：
1.簡(jiǎn)單敘述一下這位同學(xué)生病（或受傷）的情況
2.同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的
3.人與人之間的這種相互關(guān)愛給我的感受是……
例1． （2分段）
One day, we are all in classroom. Wang fang said, "Oh!" We all see her and found that she was crying! Teacher turned to ask her what was wrong. She said, "I do got a fever, my head is very hot!" Feng Gang sent she to hospital, we all followed they. In the hospital, doctor Wang give a inject to her, she gradually calm and not hot as before. We all thanked the doctor.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：未能按照題目要求寫，沒有著重寫"同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的" "人與人之間的這種相互關(guān)愛給我的感受是……"。條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有錯(cuò)誤，有的甚至影響理解。
原文修改后：
One day, when we were all in classroom., Wang fang Suddenly cried,, "Oh!" We all looked at her and found that she was groaning. Teacher turned to ask her what was wrong. She said, "I have got a fever, my head is very hot!"
Immediately, our teacher sent her to hospital, and we all followed them. In the hospital, we asked doctor Wang to give an injection to her, and she gradually became calm and not as hot as before. We all thanked the doctor.
The day has passed, but it is clearly in my mind. I think if we can do things like that in the incident, the society will be better, and the relationship between people will be better as well!
例2．（5分段）
Last week, li ning and I studied in classroom. Suddenly, lining said to me that he had a headache .I asked he to see doctor. he said it was not bad. After 5 miniuts, lining sai to me his headache very serious. So I helped him go to hosptial.
Students and teacher heard lining went to hosptial, all of them went to the hosptial. Some teacher asked lining dont worry, it will be good .Some students asked lining take care of himself. lining said that he was very moved.
Thought this things, I think a lot .The world is beautiful, because the love filled in it .people can help each other when who are in trouble.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文基本切題。語句銜接不自然，簡(jiǎn)單句使用得太多，有些表達(dá)不太準(zhǔn)確，有明顯的中文痕跡。要加強(qiáng)銜接詞的運(yùn)用，單復(fù)句的轉(zhuǎn)換，句式的多樣化，還有語言基本功的訓(xùn)練。
原文修改后：
Last week, Li ning and I studied in classroom. Suddenly, lining told me that he had a headache. I asked him to see the doctor. he said it was not so serious. After 5 minutes, Lining told me that his headache became worse. So I helped him go to hospital.
When Students and teachers heard that Lining had gone to hospital, all of them went to the hospital. Some teachers asked Lining not to worry and to take care of himself. Lining said that he was very moved.
Throught this, I think a lot.The world is beautiful because it was filled in love--people help each other in trouble.
例3．（8分段）
One day there is a student who was isolated for infectious disease. We and our teachers are concerting about his situation. But he must be isolated from us for relivesing measure.
In this important period, we telephoned to him, we also told him that he had a good rest time. we suggested that he call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burden study and read some books which he enjoys but have no time to read .At last we told him that he must get over this fell .
I think we should love each other .when somebody needs help we should lend our one hand to him.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文基本切題，也有必要的細(xì)節(jié)描述。但有的地方表達(dá)不清楚。有比較多的語言錯(cuò)誤。要注意連接詞的使用和句式多樣化，長(zhǎng)短句可以間隔使用，使用長(zhǎng)句時(shí)注意語法、力求表達(dá)清楚?！?BR> 具體問題剖析：(1)全文時(shí)態(tài)不統(tǒng)一（舉例略）。
（2）第二段語句銜接不自然，句式重復(fù)，且長(zhǎng)句組織起來顯得有點(diǎn)凌亂，語法錯(cuò)誤相當(dāng)多。在原文基礎(chǔ)上修改如下："In this important period, we telephoned him, and told him to have a good rest.Besides, we advised him to call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burdensome study ,on the other hand, to read some books which he enjoyed but had no time to read. At last we told him that he must overcome this ill."
例4．（11分段）
In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold. First day when he came to school, we found that his eyes were red and his sound was rough. The second day, his cold was too bad that he couldn't go to school.
At that time, there was a serious ill called SARS in our country. It's just like badly cold and can infected others easily. But our classmates didn't go away from him. They seemed more close to him. Our classmates helped him to take back breakfast. Our teacher came to see him with his notes book. He helped him to study in order that he didn't drop behind my classmates' For he was my best friend, I just sat on his bed and do my best to comfort him.
Althought there was SARS around us, but I felt very warm from this thing. It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult. We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family. And not very long, my classmate was getting healthy and could come to school again. How happy we were!
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文切題，表達(dá)思想清楚，文字比較連貫, 但有一些語法錯(cuò)誤。
具體問題剖析：全文有一些語法、語言錯(cuò)誤，如"In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold."應(yīng)改為"In 1 April 2003,one of my classmates got serious cold."（時(shí)態(tài)）；"First day when he came to school,"應(yīng)改為"The first day when he came to school,"（介詞遺漏）；"his sound was rough."應(yīng)改為"his voice was rough."（用詞）；"Althought there was SARS around us, I felt very warm from this thing."應(yīng)把but去掉（連詞）； "It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult."應(yīng)改為"It told me that the love from true heart could help come across any difficulties."（時(shí)態(tài)、詞性錯(cuò)誤）；"We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family."應(yīng)改為"We are so lucky that we live in a big warm family."（詞性）。
例5．（14分段）
During the SARS period in this spring, the year of 2003, one of my classmates, Li ming, was struck down by the virus and was immediately sent to hospital.
The news spread quickly on campus. At first, we were terrified and wondered if we were infected too. However, through our government's publicity on mass media, we gradually conquered the fear and set out to try out best to help her. Some teachers provided darly necessities while some students recorded the English class contents for him so that Li ming could not be left behind. With our care and concern, Li ming recovered quickly.
Such an incident teaches us a good moral. Our society is full of love, warm and peaceful, in which people-from man to woman, from individual to individual-lend others a hand. Just like a famous song goes, "the world will turn itto heaven only if everyone contributes a little." and I do believe that it's my great honor to live in this love-filled paradise!
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文切題，論證豐富生動(dòng)，表達(dá)思想清楚，文字通順，連貫性較好。基本上無大的語言錯(cuò)誤，僅有個(gè)別小錯(cuò)誤。
2003年9月六級(jí)考試作文題：
圖表作文，關(guān)于一個(gè)美國(guó)大學(xué)圖書館的圖書流動(dòng)量（pop fiction, general nonfiction, science, art等），給出他們的流動(dòng)比例對(duì)比，說明原因，并說明你自己喜歡閱讀什么樣的書。
例1． （2分段）
此分段標(biāo)準(zhǔn)為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤。
（為了不影響市容，給大家造成負(fù)面影響，故此處略去100字……）
例2．（5分段）
From the novel, we can see that the students like read(reading) novel, at the same time, only (a) small part of students like read(reading) science and art.
The reason to(for) this is novel is intereting(interesting), students like reading it. Most of the students read too much(many) major books when they have classes, so they want to read some(something) interesting (when) they have time. Novel can let them relax(relaxed). So they choose novel.
I like read(reading) novel, by reading it I know a lot of things, I also relax my brains. So I choose the novel.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)基本切題。(2)表達(dá)思想不清楚，連貫性差。 (3)有較多的嚴(yán)重語言錯(cuò)誤。 （4）字?jǐn)?shù)不夠，要酌情扣分。
例3．（8分段）
We can know from the picture that most of students like reading popular novel instead of reading science, poetry. From this we can know different people have different addiction to(preferences for) books.
Different people have different addiction to(preferences for) books. They read different books just to meet their different needs. Because different people have different meets to read the different kinds of books. From this we can also see that different people have different intentions and notions. So they choose the different things to meet their needs in every facet in life.
I like reading poetry because I think poetry can make me calm, pleased, comfort(comforted), (and) I can see many beautiful thing(things) in the poetry.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)基本切題。 (2)第二段表達(dá)有點(diǎn)亂。 （3）語言錯(cuò)誤相當(dāng)多，其中有一些是嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤?！?BR> 例4．（11分段）
Book is the source of life. When we read a book, we should not only linger on the surface of a book, but also we should(刪掉) master its intrinsic. As is charted in the blank, we can see clearly that a majority of the university students in America are addictet(addicted) to the popular fiction, and a minority of student like reading the science, poetry.
Why do they like reading popular novels? In my opinion, popular novel books are usually interesting, earthly, close to our lives. In contrast, science, poetry books are usually serious, dull and difficult. Therefore, most of the students prefer the popular novels.
I like reading the since book（science books）. For one thing, it can make me enhance my speciality knoweledy(specialized knowledge); In addition, it can help me know the frontier about my speciality and master the newest things in since(science); thirdly, it can give a good chance to know a lot and can help me to study the useful subject when I graduate from the university.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）本文基本切題，表達(dá)思想清楚。 （2）文字連貫，語言通順。 （3）有一些語言錯(cuò)誤。
例5．（14分段）
It can be discerned that the American students prefer to read the popular novel rather than other kind of books, such as the nonpopular (unpopular) novel, the books of technology, poem and so on. The percentage of the popular novel current(currently) is about 68.2%. Other kind of novels' current(currently) is, reletively (relatively), about 16.8%, 8.3%, and 5.2%.
It is not hard to think out why the popular novels can attract so many students. The popular novel is interesting, and not so abstract as books that full of the mathmatic formulate(mathematic formulae). However, as university students, study is the first task for us to do. So we should pay more attention to the books about our major. Fictions may color our life, but it can not be the key part of our studying life.
Personally, I would like to spend my free time in reading books about my major, such as technology digests, computer newspaper... Because I want do to(刪掉) a good job in my subjects. Fortunately, my dreams come true, meanwhile, I 've gained other things--I found（have founded） a solid basic knowledge about my major(加破折號(hào))make me feel easy to contrive the electronic circuit which have to be done during our bachelor years. Thanks to those books!
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）切題。 （2）論證比較有力，表達(dá)思想清楚。 （3）文字通順，連貫性較好，但有個(gè)別語言錯(cuò)誤。
注： 文中劃線部分為原文的一些明顯語言錯(cuò)誤，括號(hào)里的為修改建議，為保持原文面貌，對(duì)于結(jié)構(gòu)沒有做過多改動(dòng)。
2003年6月考試四級(jí)作文題：An Eye-Witness Account of a Traffic Accident
假設(shè)你在某日某時(shí)某地目擊一起車禍，就此寫一份見證書。
見證書須包括以下幾點(diǎn)：
1、車禍發(fā)生的時(shí)間及地點(diǎn)；
2、你所見到的車禍情況；
3、你對(duì)車禍原因的分析。
例1． （2分段）
At 9:00, Jan. 20, 2003, I eye-witness a traffic accident in Dongfang Street.
I see that a（an） old people is hitted (hit)by a car.
In my opinion, the rapid driver is the main reason, but the old people also has his error.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）字?jǐn)?shù)明顯不夠，盡管都點(diǎn)題了，但只有三句話。（2）有語法錯(cuò)誤。
例2．（5分段）
In my opinion, the driver of Benz auto should be blamed on(for) the traffic accident. It was his drunk driving that resulted in this accident.
It is not(no) doubt that the traffic accident is a high(hot) topic in the modern(modern) society, different people have different attitude (attitudes) to this.
When it come(comes) to the accident, people think it responsible for the driver. But last Sunday I see(saw) a(an) accident. A woman crossed a street when a car turn(turned at) the crossing .it is too late to stop the car ,The women was bad(badly) hurt. The people who was walking along the street took the woman to hospital, (and) the driver came with them.
As far as （I am） concerned, the both sides have responsibility for this, begin（at the beginning）, the woman shouldnot cross the street. Forthemore, the driver should pay more attention. Last. we should take proper measure .Only (when) we take the measure and we （become） more careful can we have a colorful （life） tomorrow.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)本文基本切題。（2）但有的地方表達(dá)思想不清楚，層次不夠清楚。如第二段把描述車禍情況和發(fā)生原因混為一談，而最后一段的總結(jié)又很牽強(qiáng)。（3）全文有比較多的語言錯(cuò)誤，而且有些是嚴(yán)重的錯(cuò)誤。
例3．（8分段）
At 9:00am October 25st(25th) 2003, I saw a traffic accident on Daxue Road. At that time, I was on my way to school.
When I turned right on the corner, a motorbike knocked into a small car. The motorbike was red, and there are(were) two persons on the motorbike. The car was yellow. The motorbike fell down, and the two persons on the motorbike were slight injured. The (car) driver came out of the car at once, and asked about the two persons. As soon as I saw that, I made a telephone call to 110.The traffic police arrived in a short time.
According to what I saw, I thought there may be one reason leading to the accident. That was the motorbike kept too short （a） distant from the car. When the car slowed down, the motorbike couldn't slow down in time. So the accident took place.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）基本切題。（2）文字連貫性不強(qiáng)，尤其是第二段，缺少一些必要的銜接詞。（3）簡(jiǎn)單句太多，可以考慮把一些合并成復(fù)合句。（4）有些地方人稱指代不明（如司機(jī)），容易引起誤解（5）有一些基本的時(shí)態(tài)、語法錯(cuò)誤。
例4．（11分段）
Last Friday afternoon, when I was on my way home, a traffic accident took place at the crossing of Shanghai Road.
A pupil was knocked down by a black car when he was walking across the street. His legs were badly hurt. Sever(Several) minutes later an ambulance came, and the driver of the black car sent the pupil to the hospital immediately.
In my eyes, this accident was due to that the pupil broke the traffic rules. That is to say, the pupil walked across the street when the traffic lights were red. As soon as the driver saw the pupil, he stopped the car, however, it was too late. In my opinion, it was necessary to advocate people to confirm to the traffic rules. If the pupil hadn't broken the traffic rules, the accident might not have happened.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)本文比較切題，表達(dá)思想清楚。（2）語句比較通順，但有少量語言錯(cuò)誤。
例5．（14分段）
My name is Liming. I am studying at college. A week ago I saw a traffic accident , which is still vivid in my mind.
It was at about 9:00 on Saturday morning, June 15th, when I went out of the university to visit a friend of mine at another university. I was walking leisurely on the sidewalk when I heard a loud crash of two vehicles just at the T-junction about 10 meters away. Two taxis crashed together. It was a traffic accident.
I went up and found that the two taxis were badly damaged. Both hoofs were out of shape. One door of a car was knocked off and lying on the road. One driver was blooding and another was shut in the taxi. Some people were trying to help the driver get out of the damaged car. One man was calling to the traffic policeman station. A lot of cars were jammed on the road.
From the stopping track on the road, it is clear that the two taxis were driving too fast. But it is just one of the reasons. In my opinion, the taxi drivers are eager to take more passengers and make a little more money. On the other hand, both drivers don't show concern for one another. Both of them wanted to run in front of another. Therefore, the accident is inevitable. So far, we should let the drivers keep it in their mind that a little slower, a little safer. Taking care of other's lives means taking care of your own life.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）切題。（2）表達(dá)清楚，描述詳細(xì)生動(dòng)。（3）文字通順，連貫性較好。（4）基本上無大的語言錯(cuò)誤，僅有個(gè)別小錯(cuò)誤。
注： 文中劃線部分為原文的一些明顯語言錯(cuò)誤，括號(hào)里的為修改建議，為保持原文面貌，對(duì)于結(jié)構(gòu)沒有做過多改動(dòng)。
2003年6月考試六級(jí)作文題：Changes of Ownership of Houses in China
圖表作文，圖表內(nèi)容是1990，1995，2000的公房和私房變化柱狀表，趨勢(shì)是公房越來越少，私房越來越多。
提綱：1.簡(jiǎn)單描述一下圖表內(nèi)容
2.變化原因
3.這個(gè)變化對(duì)個(gè)人和社會(huì)的影響
例1． （2分段）
此分段標(biāo)準(zhǔn)為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤。
為了不影響市容，給大家造成負(fù)面影響，故此處略去100字……
例2．（5分段）
It is descerned that（刪掉）the number of pirate（private） houses had been on a（an） increase from 1990 to 2000.In 1990, it was about 20 percent; In 1995 it was 40 percent; In 2000, it was 80 percent.
There were some reasons for this fact. One of them was the improvement of people's living conditions（condition）, all people wanted to own pirate houses.
On the other hand, people's income was on a（an） increase, they could afford to buy pirate houses!
Obviously, there were some good things resulted from this fact. Such as it could improve Chinese economy. But there were also some bad things, such as it took much time to go to work!
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）本文基本切題。（2）字?jǐn)?shù)不夠，要酌情扣分。（2）第一段描述圖表不應(yīng)該單列舉出數(shù)字，而是應(yīng)該重點(diǎn)描寫變化趨勢(shì) ；第二段說明理由不夠充分；第三段說明影響有點(diǎn)牽強(qiáng)。（4）全文語言錯(cuò)誤較多。
例3．（8分段）
From the graph it is clear that the percentage of the state owned house in china in a city has decreased greatly from 75% in 1990 to 20% in 2000, while the private house has increased sharply. what has caused these changes?
There are, I think, at least two main reasons for these changes. to begin with, with the development of the technology and science, people"s living standard has improved greatly and they can afford to buy high-graded things such as TV, computer and even house. Secondly it is due to the mind people hold and the ecomonic policy. As is known to all, the price of house is often very high, and people must (used to) save their money (for) many years, （however,）as their minds changed, they went to the bank to borrow money and the ecomonic policy also encouraged them to do so. There may be some other reasons, but the above mentiond are commonly acceptable.
To conclude, the ownership of houses reflect the development of our country and people are enjoying a better life, I am firmly sure that the productivity of the society will keep improving and people will enjoy a more affluent life in the near future.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）本文基本切題，語句基本通順（2）第一段描述圖表太簡(jiǎn)單，第二段有些地方表達(dá)思想不夠清楚，第三段太簡(jiǎn)單。（3）不少語言錯(cuò)誤。
例4．（11分段）
As is shown by the bar chart, we can see that great changes have been taken place in a big city in China during the year from 1990 to 2000. The number of stated-owned houses is on the decline, while the private houses are（is） on the rise.
To get the sourse(source) of this changes, it is nature for us to come up with the following reasons. In the first place, owning to the advance in people's living standard ,people are better off today, and they have more money to buy a house .In the second place , with the development of society and economy, some achievements have been maken(made) in housing construction. Last but not least, thanks to the increasing consciousness of confortable(comfortable) life, people are in favor of buying a house. All this results in the boom of private housing.
Benefits of this(these) changes are obvious. It is advantage to both people and society. For one thing, with house, people can enjoy their confortable(comfortable) life. For another, this(these) changes can stimulate our nation's economic development.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)切題。（2）表達(dá)思想清楚，語句通順。（3）但有少量語言錯(cuò)誤。
例5．（14分段）
It can be obviously seen from the chart above that our modern society has experienced a great change, and in the last decade, from 1990 to 2000, more and more people prefer private houses to state-owned ones.
There are a lot of reasons for it. First of all, state-owned houses lack the individualized characteristics, which are highly advocated in the modern society today. In addition, The declining prices of the private houses, with the skyrocketing income of people in recent years, contribute to the increase of purchases of private houses because, after all, economy is the most basic factor each family or individual can decide on. At last, the purchases of private houses can entitle consumers to a more flexible selection in terms of location, house type and even the relevant service than that of its state-owned counterpart.
This phenomenon, in my opinion, has not only upgraded the quality and standard of life of people , but also improved the value of consumption of our modern society. And it is more significant that the phenomenon has formed a social atmosphere in our life in which everyone strives harder and harder for the sake of his life and future.
東方教育點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）切題。（2）表達(dá)思想清楚，論證比較有力。（3）文字通順，連貫性好，但有少量語言錯(cuò)誤。