The third Bilingual Cup Competition was held last month among the three bilingual schools： Li Huili High School， Jianping High School and No. 1 High School affiliated to East China Normal University. [The Third Bilingual Cup Competition was held last month in Shanghai. Students from Li Huili High School， Jianping High School and No. 1 High School affiliated to East China Normal University， the city's three bilingual schools where both Chinese and English are used in various classes， took part in the competition.] （1）
Mr. Pa Xinfu， vice-principal of Li Huili High School extended a warm welcome to all competitors.
The first part of the competition was individual impromptu speech（即興演講）。 Each competitor was given two minutes to prepare for his topic. When they stood on the stage and faced so many people， some of them seemed to be nervous and afraid （2）。 But the contents of speeches attracted[their speeches interested] （3） the audience.
The second part was group item： short plays. The performance was so wonderful that you could hardly believe that they were creations by the students themselves. （4）
At the end of the competition， Mr. Wang Xingyang， professor from SISU（5） summed up the competition：“Every competitor has acted so marvellously that we find it difficult to decide who the winner is. This competition is very successful. This proves that our bilingual education has won some success. We should work hard to make further progress.”
上海市李惠利中學(xué)初二（1）班 周怡琳
評 語
本文作者用新聞體寫作，是一次有益的嘗試。下面結(jié)合新聞體基本要求，對文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）一般而言，英語新聞的第一段應(yīng)簡明地表述清楚“誰在何時(shí)何地以何種方式干某事”，也就是類似記敘文中討論過的五個(gè)W.盡管有時(shí)可以去掉其中苦干個(gè)W，而突出某幾個(gè)W，但一般來說，這五個(gè)W是第一段所要表達(dá)的內(nèi)容。原文缺了where，who也不清楚，故改之。另外，bilingual一詞也較難，加上定語從句where…classes較清楚。
（2）新聞一定要客觀，盡可能避免記者的主觀意見。原文主觀性較強(qiáng)，可改為some of them felt“nervous and afraid”， as they later said.
（3）speeches前應(yīng)該加定冠詞，另外，attract不如用interest為好。
（4）這句又是主觀色彩太濃?？捎眉由弦脛e人的話之類的手法來表示客觀報(bào)道，如：
The performance， according to some judges， was so wonderful…themselves.
（5）縮寫是新聞中常用的，但必須在有了前文的條件下才能用。因此，這里應(yīng)改為Shanghai International Studies University（SISU）。這樣，后面再提到這所學(xué)校，可用SISU.
Mr. Pa Xinfu， vice-principal of Li Huili High School extended a warm welcome to all competitors.
The first part of the competition was individual impromptu speech（即興演講）。 Each competitor was given two minutes to prepare for his topic. When they stood on the stage and faced so many people， some of them seemed to be nervous and afraid （2）。 But the contents of speeches attracted[their speeches interested] （3） the audience.
The second part was group item： short plays. The performance was so wonderful that you could hardly believe that they were creations by the students themselves. （4）
At the end of the competition， Mr. Wang Xingyang， professor from SISU（5） summed up the competition：“Every competitor has acted so marvellously that we find it difficult to decide who the winner is. This competition is very successful. This proves that our bilingual education has won some success. We should work hard to make further progress.”
上海市李惠利中學(xué)初二（1）班 周怡琳
評 語
本文作者用新聞體寫作，是一次有益的嘗試。下面結(jié)合新聞體基本要求，對文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）一般而言，英語新聞的第一段應(yīng)簡明地表述清楚“誰在何時(shí)何地以何種方式干某事”，也就是類似記敘文中討論過的五個(gè)W.盡管有時(shí)可以去掉其中苦干個(gè)W，而突出某幾個(gè)W，但一般來說，這五個(gè)W是第一段所要表達(dá)的內(nèi)容。原文缺了where，who也不清楚，故改之。另外，bilingual一詞也較難，加上定語從句where…classes較清楚。
（2）新聞一定要客觀，盡可能避免記者的主觀意見。原文主觀性較強(qiáng)，可改為some of them felt“nervous and afraid”， as they later said.
（3）speeches前應(yīng)該加定冠詞，另外，attract不如用interest為好。
（4）這句又是主觀色彩太濃?？捎眉由弦脛e人的話之類的手法來表示客觀報(bào)道，如：
The performance， according to some judges， was so wonderful…themselves.
（5）縮寫是新聞中常用的，但必須在有了前文的條件下才能用。因此，這里應(yīng)改為Shanghai International Studies University（SISU）。這樣，后面再提到這所學(xué)校，可用SISU.