We had been married only a few months when Clarissa burst into the living room with her arms full of shopping bags. 'Honey, you can't believe how much money I saved you,' she said.
My wife had just bought a bunch of clothes on sale. 'I was so proud of myself,' she recalls 27 years later. All the more so because many of the clothes were for me; she viewed my premarriage wardrobe, or lack thereof, as an abomination.
I had a different reaction. I told her if she really wanted to save money, she wouldn't have bought anything at all. Clarissa found this logic unfathomable. 'It's like we were speaking two different languages,' she now says.
After this auspicious beginning, you'd figure I'd keep a close eye on our household finances. I don't. Clarissa has handled our day-to-day finances for nearly all our marriage.
It's partly laziness on my part. But it's also a cynical calculation. I figure Clarissa will spend less if she's in charge of sweating out paying all the bills the following month.
Instead, I've focused on the big financial picture: saving for retirement; saving for college; getting the best possible deal on a mortgage for each of our multiple moves around the U.S. for my job.
There is also a marital-harmony component to our arrangement. Clarissa hasn't held a job since our third child was born 17 years ago. The prospect of my earning all the money and controlling all the spending made her feel powerless.
I had prided myself on being quite the enlightened husband for ceding control of our day-to-day finances. Turns out our arrangement is pretty typical, according to the experts. 'In most households, the wife makes the day-to-day budgetary decisions, and the husband makes the big decisions,' says Vickie Bajtelsmit, chair of the finance department at Colorado State University.
There are exceptions. Dr. Bajtelsmit has been the main breadwinner in her marriage, and she's an expert on personal finance. 'I made most of the decisions,' she says.
Different couples figure out the division of labor differently. Sherman Hanna, an economist at Ohio State University, says he does the grocery shopping in his family. His wife, an attorney, makes all the decisions about furnishing their house. 'I have no sense of style whatsoever,' Dr. Hanna says.
As for big financial decisions, Dr. Hanna says he and his wife tend to make them together.
None of these arrangements work well without trust. In the early years of our marriage, Clarissa would sometimes run out of money and quietly pay for things with her personal credit card.
It was hardly ever stuff for herself. Usually, it was clothes for the children or Christmas presents for her family. Clarissa figured she'd pay off the debt when things loosened up for us. But, of course, with three kids and one salary, digging out was hard.
Eventually, I'd find out and explode. Once, it happened when we bought a house. I thought we had no debts outside of a car loan. But when the mortgage lender showed me our joint credit report, I saw that Clarissa had a couple of thousand dollars on her own card. It wasn't a happy moment.
A few years later, we moved again, and it happened again. 'Do I have to move to find out how much we owe?' I asked Clarissa.
Finally, I told Clarissa if she was candid about our debts, I wouldn't go ballistic. We've both pretty much kept up our end of the deal since. And it's been a much happier situation.
We still get in debt sometimes. But since I know about the problem right away, I'm able to take action, such as cutting back on retirement savings until we dig our way out.
Would we be more careful with money if I were completely in charge of our spending? Probably. But marriage is about compromise. And unless your spouse is a complete spendthrift, compromising is a heck of a lot cheaper than a divorce.
* * *
A few weeks ago, I wrote about my fruitless attempt to exchange a pair of Nike running shoes with a torn shoelace eyelet. Nike just sent me a $92 voucher. I'm mailing it back. Earlier, I mailed back five pairs of running shoes that some marketing maven at Reebok sent me in the wake of the column.
I'm not an ingrate. But when I write about a situation in my life, I'm doing it to explore an issue -- not to get special treatment. Nike recently told me that its policy is to honor return requests for the particular shoe model I bought, and I assume that's its rationale for sending me a voucher now. Nonetheless, Nike wasn't willing to send me a voucher when I contacted the company a year ago as an ordinary consumer, so I can't accept it now.
我們剛結婚沒幾個月的時候，有一天，克拉麗莎拎著大包小包的購物袋沖進家來，對我說：“親愛的，你都想不出我給你省了多少錢。”
我親愛的妻子當時剛剛買了一堆的打折服裝。二十七年后的今天，她提起此事時說，“我那時真是為自己感到驕傲。”更何況，其中很多衣服都是給我買的；她檢查了我婚前的衣櫥，也可能壓根兒就沒看，總之她覺得我所有的衣服都該更新?lián)Q代了。
當時我則是另一種反應。我跟她說，她要是真想省錢，就不該花錢去買東西?？死惿J為這種邏輯不可理喻?，F(xiàn)在回想那時的情況，她的結論是：“我們好像在說兩種不同的語言。”
你們也許會想，經(jīng)歷此事后，我會去關注一下家里的財務狀況。其實我沒有。我倆的婚姻生活中，日常開銷幾乎都是克拉麗莎控制的。
我這么做部分原因是出于懶惰，部分也是因為一種幸災樂禍的想法。我想，如果讓克拉麗莎來想方設法應付下個月的所有開支，她花錢就會悠著點兒了。
其實我關心的都是大的開銷：為退休存錢；存孩子們的大學學費；盡量拿到條件惠的抵押貸款──因為工作的緣故，我們經(jīng)常搬家。
這樣的安排還有促進婚姻和諧的考慮。十七年前，我們的第三個孩子降生后，克拉麗莎就不上班了。我是家里的經(jīng)濟來源，要是再掌控全部經(jīng)濟大權的話，她就會覺得自己無足輕重。
放棄對日常開銷的控制權是一個明智的決定，對此我頗為自得。其實，根據(jù)專家的統(tǒng)計，我們這種安排是相當?shù)湫偷?。科羅拉多州立大學金融系主任Vickie Bajtelsmit說：“在大多數(shù)家庭中，日常的財務開支都由妻子來做決定，大主意則是做丈夫的來拿。”
當然也有例外。Bajtelsmit本人就是家中主要的經(jīng)濟來源，她是一位私人理財專家。她說：“大部分決定都是我來做。”
不同家庭夫婦有不同的分工。俄亥俄州立大學經(jīng)濟學家謝爾曼·漢納（Sherman Hanna）在家中負責日常采購，家居布置則由他的律師妻子來拿主意。漢納博士說：“我對裝修風格之類的東西一點感覺也沒有?！?BR> 至于大的開銷，漢納博士說一般都是夫妻倆共同做決定。
不過，如果沒有信任作為基礎，上述的所有安排都解決不了問題。在我們婚后的頭幾年，有時候會出現(xiàn)超支的情況，這時克拉麗莎就會悄悄地拿自己的信用卡來買單。
造成超支的一般都不是她自己的東西，而是孩子的衣服，或是給她家人的圣誕節(jié)禮物?？死惿南敕ㄊ牵绻覀兂酥?，她就自己把錢補上。不過，要養(yǎng)三個孩子，賺錢的卻只有一個人，維持生活是很艱難的。
后來我終于發(fā)現(xiàn)了這個情況，忍不住大發(fā)脾氣。有一次，我們買了一棟房子，我本以為我們只欠一輛汽車的貸款，再沒有其他欠款?？墒牵J款機構把我們的聯(lián)名賬戶記錄給我看時，我發(fā)現(xiàn)克拉麗莎的卡上欠了兩千美元。這可不是什么讓人高興的事兒。
幾年后我們再次搬家，同樣的事情又發(fā)生了。我問克拉麗莎：“我是不是非得到搬家的時候才能知道我們到底欠了多少債呢？”
最后，我告訴克拉麗莎，如果她能坦白我們的債務狀況，我就不會發(fā)火了。此后我們倆基本都能遵守這個約定，情況就好多了。
雖然我們有時候還是會欠債，不過因為我能夠及時了解情況，也就能馬上采取臨時減少退休金存款之類的措施來度過難關。
如果全部支出由我來掌控，我們花錢會不會更謹慎呢？有可能。不過，婚姻是需要妥協(xié)的。妥協(xié)的代價總比離婚要低，除非你的另一半根本就是一個揮霍無度的人。
幾周前，我在文章里提到我想換一雙鞋帶眼開裂的耐克跑步鞋，結果沒有成功。最近耐克給我寄來了一張92美元的代金券，被我寄了回去。之前還有一次，專欄文章發(fā)表后，銳步一位銷售經(jīng)理給我寄了五雙跑步鞋，我也寄回去了。
我不是一個不識好歹的人。不過，我在文章中提到自己生活中的某件事，只是為了探討一個話題──不是為了得到特別優(yōu)待。耐克公司最近通知我，根據(jù)政策，我買的那種鞋子是可以退貨的，所以他們現(xiàn)在再給我寄代金券的話就是合理的了。不過，一年前當我以一位普通消費者的身份跟耐克聯(lián)系時，他們并沒想給我寄代金券，所以現(xiàn)在我也是不會接受的。
My wife had just bought a bunch of clothes on sale. 'I was so proud of myself,' she recalls 27 years later. All the more so because many of the clothes were for me; she viewed my premarriage wardrobe, or lack thereof, as an abomination.
I had a different reaction. I told her if she really wanted to save money, she wouldn't have bought anything at all. Clarissa found this logic unfathomable. 'It's like we were speaking two different languages,' she now says.
After this auspicious beginning, you'd figure I'd keep a close eye on our household finances. I don't. Clarissa has handled our day-to-day finances for nearly all our marriage.
It's partly laziness on my part. But it's also a cynical calculation. I figure Clarissa will spend less if she's in charge of sweating out paying all the bills the following month.
Instead, I've focused on the big financial picture: saving for retirement; saving for college; getting the best possible deal on a mortgage for each of our multiple moves around the U.S. for my job.
There is also a marital-harmony component to our arrangement. Clarissa hasn't held a job since our third child was born 17 years ago. The prospect of my earning all the money and controlling all the spending made her feel powerless.
I had prided myself on being quite the enlightened husband for ceding control of our day-to-day finances. Turns out our arrangement is pretty typical, according to the experts. 'In most households, the wife makes the day-to-day budgetary decisions, and the husband makes the big decisions,' says Vickie Bajtelsmit, chair of the finance department at Colorado State University.
There are exceptions. Dr. Bajtelsmit has been the main breadwinner in her marriage, and she's an expert on personal finance. 'I made most of the decisions,' she says.
Different couples figure out the division of labor differently. Sherman Hanna, an economist at Ohio State University, says he does the grocery shopping in his family. His wife, an attorney, makes all the decisions about furnishing their house. 'I have no sense of style whatsoever,' Dr. Hanna says.
As for big financial decisions, Dr. Hanna says he and his wife tend to make them together.
None of these arrangements work well without trust. In the early years of our marriage, Clarissa would sometimes run out of money and quietly pay for things with her personal credit card.
It was hardly ever stuff for herself. Usually, it was clothes for the children or Christmas presents for her family. Clarissa figured she'd pay off the debt when things loosened up for us. But, of course, with three kids and one salary, digging out was hard.
Eventually, I'd find out and explode. Once, it happened when we bought a house. I thought we had no debts outside of a car loan. But when the mortgage lender showed me our joint credit report, I saw that Clarissa had a couple of thousand dollars on her own card. It wasn't a happy moment.
A few years later, we moved again, and it happened again. 'Do I have to move to find out how much we owe?' I asked Clarissa.
Finally, I told Clarissa if she was candid about our debts, I wouldn't go ballistic. We've both pretty much kept up our end of the deal since. And it's been a much happier situation.
We still get in debt sometimes. But since I know about the problem right away, I'm able to take action, such as cutting back on retirement savings until we dig our way out.
Would we be more careful with money if I were completely in charge of our spending? Probably. But marriage is about compromise. And unless your spouse is a complete spendthrift, compromising is a heck of a lot cheaper than a divorce.
* * *
A few weeks ago, I wrote about my fruitless attempt to exchange a pair of Nike running shoes with a torn shoelace eyelet. Nike just sent me a $92 voucher. I'm mailing it back. Earlier, I mailed back five pairs of running shoes that some marketing maven at Reebok sent me in the wake of the column.
I'm not an ingrate. But when I write about a situation in my life, I'm doing it to explore an issue -- not to get special treatment. Nike recently told me that its policy is to honor return requests for the particular shoe model I bought, and I assume that's its rationale for sending me a voucher now. Nonetheless, Nike wasn't willing to send me a voucher when I contacted the company a year ago as an ordinary consumer, so I can't accept it now.
我們剛結婚沒幾個月的時候，有一天，克拉麗莎拎著大包小包的購物袋沖進家來，對我說：“親愛的，你都想不出我給你省了多少錢。”
我親愛的妻子當時剛剛買了一堆的打折服裝。二十七年后的今天，她提起此事時說，“我那時真是為自己感到驕傲。”更何況，其中很多衣服都是給我買的；她檢查了我婚前的衣櫥，也可能壓根兒就沒看，總之她覺得我所有的衣服都該更新?lián)Q代了。
當時我則是另一種反應。我跟她說，她要是真想省錢，就不該花錢去買東西?？死惿J為這種邏輯不可理喻?，F(xiàn)在回想那時的情況，她的結論是：“我們好像在說兩種不同的語言。”
你們也許會想，經(jīng)歷此事后，我會去關注一下家里的財務狀況。其實我沒有。我倆的婚姻生活中，日常開銷幾乎都是克拉麗莎控制的。
我這么做部分原因是出于懶惰，部分也是因為一種幸災樂禍的想法。我想，如果讓克拉麗莎來想方設法應付下個月的所有開支，她花錢就會悠著點兒了。
其實我關心的都是大的開銷：為退休存錢；存孩子們的大學學費；盡量拿到條件惠的抵押貸款──因為工作的緣故，我們經(jīng)常搬家。
這樣的安排還有促進婚姻和諧的考慮。十七年前，我們的第三個孩子降生后，克拉麗莎就不上班了。我是家里的經(jīng)濟來源，要是再掌控全部經(jīng)濟大權的話，她就會覺得自己無足輕重。
放棄對日常開銷的控制權是一個明智的決定，對此我頗為自得。其實，根據(jù)專家的統(tǒng)計，我們這種安排是相當?shù)湫偷?。科羅拉多州立大學金融系主任Vickie Bajtelsmit說：“在大多數(shù)家庭中，日常的財務開支都由妻子來做決定，大主意則是做丈夫的來拿。”
當然也有例外。Bajtelsmit本人就是家中主要的經(jīng)濟來源，她是一位私人理財專家。她說：“大部分決定都是我來做。”
不同家庭夫婦有不同的分工。俄亥俄州立大學經(jīng)濟學家謝爾曼·漢納（Sherman Hanna）在家中負責日常采購，家居布置則由他的律師妻子來拿主意。漢納博士說：“我對裝修風格之類的東西一點感覺也沒有?！?BR> 至于大的開銷，漢納博士說一般都是夫妻倆共同做決定。
不過，如果沒有信任作為基礎，上述的所有安排都解決不了問題。在我們婚后的頭幾年，有時候會出現(xiàn)超支的情況，這時克拉麗莎就會悄悄地拿自己的信用卡來買單。
造成超支的一般都不是她自己的東西，而是孩子的衣服，或是給她家人的圣誕節(jié)禮物?？死惿南敕ㄊ牵绻覀兂酥?，她就自己把錢補上。不過，要養(yǎng)三個孩子，賺錢的卻只有一個人，維持生活是很艱難的。
后來我終于發(fā)現(xiàn)了這個情況，忍不住大發(fā)脾氣。有一次，我們買了一棟房子，我本以為我們只欠一輛汽車的貸款，再沒有其他欠款?？墒牵J款機構把我們的聯(lián)名賬戶記錄給我看時，我發(fā)現(xiàn)克拉麗莎的卡上欠了兩千美元。這可不是什么讓人高興的事兒。
幾年后我們再次搬家，同樣的事情又發(fā)生了。我問克拉麗莎：“我是不是非得到搬家的時候才能知道我們到底欠了多少債呢？”
最后，我告訴克拉麗莎，如果她能坦白我們的債務狀況，我就不會發(fā)火了。此后我們倆基本都能遵守這個約定，情況就好多了。
雖然我們有時候還是會欠債，不過因為我能夠及時了解情況，也就能馬上采取臨時減少退休金存款之類的措施來度過難關。
如果全部支出由我來掌控，我們花錢會不會更謹慎呢？有可能。不過，婚姻是需要妥協(xié)的。妥協(xié)的代價總比離婚要低，除非你的另一半根本就是一個揮霍無度的人。
幾周前，我在文章里提到我想換一雙鞋帶眼開裂的耐克跑步鞋，結果沒有成功。最近耐克給我寄來了一張92美元的代金券，被我寄了回去。之前還有一次，專欄文章發(fā)表后，銳步一位銷售經(jīng)理給我寄了五雙跑步鞋，我也寄回去了。
我不是一個不識好歹的人。不過，我在文章中提到自己生活中的某件事，只是為了探討一個話題──不是為了得到特別優(yōu)待。耐克公司最近通知我，根據(jù)政策，我買的那種鞋子是可以退貨的，所以他們現(xiàn)在再給我寄代金券的話就是合理的了。不過，一年前當我以一位普通消費者的身份跟耐克聯(lián)系時，他們并沒想給我寄代金券，所以現(xiàn)在我也是不會接受的。